Gossip Girls

This evening on the bus ride home, I participated in a conversation about two people - a couple. I won't go into the details but the conversation pertained to their history together and their private life that was made public through an event that occurred long before I came to meet them. My partner in this conversation was rather generous with details and opinions while I, though not entirely without opinion, tended towards the more passive role in the conversation - with more or less a "to each his own" attitude. Well, rather, with a "to each his own, but still... that's embarrassing" attitude. Having been the topic of malicious gossip more than once in my life and having also taken on the role of gossiper several hundreds of times, I can say with all confidence that, although my friend expressed a more opinionated point of view, my comments were of an inquisitive nature and not of the destructive or malicious quality that is often associated with gossip sessions.

Stop reached, I exited the bus and ventured home without giving the matter any further consideration. Just as I reached my front door my friend phoned me, a bit panicked.

"You'll never guess what just happened," she said. My heart froze as I imagined her having been accosted by one of Vancouver's many, many late night drunks. "(Blank) and (Blank) were on our bus. They were sitting right behind us." As it turns out, they got off at the very next stop and she saw them pass directly in front of her. "Should we apologize?" She asked, guilt ridden and frightened at the prospect of having been overheard. (She had been speaking pretty loudly and was pretty certain that they, along with the entire bus, had heard her.)

As someone who generally feels guilty about just about everything, in this instance, I do not feel any remorse for what I said. It didn't occur to me that I should, even after she broke the news to me. I can understand though, based on her intentions and comments, why my friend might feel concerned.

She rehearsed her apology speech to me and seemed bemused as to why I wouldn't feel bad. "Well, I guess I should apologize if they overheard me talking about their private life," I said. "But if they hadn't been on the bus, would we be having this conversation?" The issue wouldn't have occurred to either of us had the couple chosen to exit out the back.

In bringing this matter up with N, I found that he was of my mind. I was talking about them in any way one talks about the lives of people who are not there. We all do it. "This happened to so and so. This was the result... Gee... that's too bad. I think that what (Blank) did isn't what I would do, but that's all one." The difference is, the subjects may or may not have overheard. I don't like to do things that could make nice people feel bad but at the same time, I don't think it would make anyone feel better to receive a false apology. Plus, I don't even know if what I said, or the fact that I was involved in the conversation, had any effect on them.

Yes in truth, I facilitated and participated in a conversation that was about the private life of a couple. I enabled my friend to express her strong opinions. I listened to her opinions and didn't tell her to stop. I offered my take on the matter. The end.

So the question is, should I apologize to these two people when:

1. I don't feel any remorse
2. I wouldn't apologize if I didn't know that they may have overheard
3. I don't even know if they did overhear

Of her gossiping ways, my friend said "I knew I was going to get caught one day." That's how she feels. I guess I'm writing this because I don't really feel that I've been caught doing anything. Perhaps this could all change when I see the couple tomorrow and they potentially give me icy stares but for now, I'm not overly concerned with the fact that I listened to a story and expressed my opinion.

Lanch then Launch Pad

This year's Ottawa Fringe has been launched! You can find info here. Now, with my biggest bit of Fringe work done (until the opening of the festival), I can finally get super excited about this year's Fringe as well as move on to the Launch Pad and Influx staged reading series for this year's Magnetic North Theatre Festival. Info here
Stay tuned - more to come!

prodigal blogger

it has been a year since i last published to this blog. i suppose i should just give it up but something compels me to keep it. i feel like perhaps i should be posting my insights, adventures, encounters, endeavours though i have been too busy to make it a priority - particularly since setting back off down the road of academia - too worried about posting some true opinion that will burn a bridge or say something i want to take back later. like, lately, i am asked "how is your MFA going?" well, if i told you my feelings i might be hurting those of someone else, people who are trying their best to do a great job in a staunchy, old academic environment. if i relayed the facts, such as, i am in such financial straits that i have stopped sleeping, i've spent only 7 hours this term doing any actual directing (projects that were, for lack of a better term, forced upon me), the rest writing, giving seminars, critiquing terrible plays and building bridges out of toothpicks, it might give the impression that i am wasting my time. if i stated, as you might infer, that i am frustrated and disappointed with the above facts then would i be belittling the other opportunities that this year has afforded me? - experiences that i otherwise wouldn't have been given had i not embarked upon this two year deal with the academic devil: working alongside an internationally renowned master teacher of Shakespeare, not for one but two consecutive groups of professionally geared actors; assistant directing said master in one of Shakespeare's best loved plays; coaching movement for a french theatre company's production a play so beautiful it didn't matter that i couldn't understand half of what was being said; meeting, interviewing and observing a slew of national theatre artists; developing a vocabulary and extremely valuable toolkit to compliment the strengths and skills i have acquired over the years; being afforded the opportunity to direct classical productions with huge casts and good production values; being contacted out of the blue for unsolicited work; to test out teaching skills and theories on a whole new generation of theatre artists; to act as a motivator, mentor and friend to said students; to alway have the excuse when contacting people for something i want or need that "i am an MFA in directing student" (i hate cold calling). i believe that this time of suffering and hardship, lack of sleep and food, will pay off in dividends when i finally can put those three letters after my name. i am on a path to manifesting a greater goal right now and when i get to the end this suffering i'm enduring now will be little more than an anecdote... i hope.

"why do you keep hitting yourself?"
"because it feels good when i stop."

"why oh why oh why did i go back to school?"
"because it will be worth it when it's over."

MeMe part deux

two things:

1. i have found one lovely friend to tag for the MeMe questions - the beautiful, talented and wonderfully tatooed adriana. not 5 people, no, but one is better than none and quite frankly sometimes adriana does the work of 5 people at her job.

2. remember those 1 euro pants i listed in the previous blog as being ones i would never wear again? well sure enough, i was low on clean laundry and against my better judgement i wore them for an entire day. now i can honestly say that i will never, ever wear them again.

MeMe *now with new links!*

Very timely. I have been neglecting to write in this blog since december - first because life was uneventful and then because it was busy. It seems I have been given the perfect excuse to start my spring update - my friend T tagged me to fill out the MeMe questions below and then tag other bloggers to do the same. Thanks T! Too bad for (Me)Me, T is one of the few bloggers I know of (besides the ones she already tagged) so the chain ends here (let me know if you read this and you actually are a blogger so at least I can read yours too!).

Q & A with meMe:

what were you doing ten years ago?
exactly what, i cannot say. i was living in a kits attic apartment with 3 cats and andrew. i was also working 2 jobs. one at the 5th Avenue Café for Don, a former MacDonald's manager turned entrepreneur - i worked there with 2 Polish girls, both named Angie, whom Don called Angie 1 and Angie 2, as well as with 2 girls named Sandra - guess what he called them. Don was the skinniest man i ever saw and he took a really long time in the toilets. we had theories about him that were never proved. my other job was at the now defunct Poolyard Café where Jin, the korean owner, and his business friends would look at me in my tank top, say something in korean and all laugh. Jin always pronounced my name "Kashi," particularly in phone messages such as "hello Kashi, dis Pooyar Jin." he was really nice, despite my theories about his perversions (again, never proved).

what were you doing one year ago?
i was living in Paris. the second last day of the workshop for which i made these masks . i was probably flopping big time, sitting on the bench or having a cry - i did a lot of that over the course of that week. in short, i was having my mask played crisis and looking forward to the last day of the workshop.

five snacks you enjoy?
juice berries or any kind of gummy candy really
any kind of sour keys/candies
pretzels
smartfood
cheese and crackers

five things you would do if you were a millionaire?
pay off my debts
give the people i love a thing or two they really need
move to a house with a substantial property for building a little theatre/studio space and pottery studio - not necessarily in canada
build said studios
vacation at a spa in france, hawaii or switzerland followed by travel to various european destinations

five bad habits?
facebook
constant e-mail checking
complaining (esp. when tired)
feeling guilty/apologizing for no reason
quiet talking

five things you like doing?
pottery
kundalini yoga
directing/teaching/creating theatre
dinner parties
rolling around on the floor and busting it out to music

five things you will never wear again?

1. my clytemnestra costume from greek tragedy - i found it at a second hand stall at the Marché aux Puces de Montreuil for 10 euros. it was a long, white, fine mesh dress with copper-coloured sequins sewn all over the front in a swirly, floral like pattern. i wore it with golden undergarments and a purple and red satin sash to cover my bits that should be covered. philippe compared it to something Imelda Marcos would wear to seduce her husband. i left it in a garbage bag in the courtyard of my apartment paris even though i loved it and never took a photo of it.
2. the french maid costume i threw together for lisette during a crisis in writing & directing. i went all over Paris to find the perfect garment and at the very end of the day, pulled it out of a 3 euro bin at a crazy second hand shop just around the corner from my apartment. i saw a corner of it buried under a mound of other things and knew that was the piece i had been searching for - black velour bodice sewn to a red skirt with some (torn) black tuille underneath - definitely homemade! with it i put on my martin wig , an apron found at Guerrisol (pictured above), a shirt i picked up at Zara and never ever wore for fashion (guess that's #3) and then made a cap out of a coffee filter. for the same reason as clytemnestra's dress, this lovely piece will never again grace my beautiful body. again, no photo.
3. said Zara shirt above - it really was hideous. a white, pin-striped, cap sleeved little number with a pseudo-elizabethan collar and some strings that tied in a bow around the neck. i really should have returned it but just couldn't let it go...
4. a navy blue t-shirt with light blue piping and a crest sewn onto one sleeve (appropriated from my mother in 1990). i used to wear it during the BFA. i loaned it to dawn and she still has it somewhere. it is gloriously holey now and wholly hers.
5. black pants i also purchased at above flea market. they were originally for a costume during Le Jeu and became a regular part of my wardrobe. they were almost too small when i got them, continued to be tight even when i was at my fittest during peak acrobatic time and i don't even dare to try them now for fear they are not going to do up. i keep holding onto them though, even as i purge many, many items from my closet. they are quite nice really and were only 1 euro!

five favourite toys?

lord of the rings risk
doggy do - not the poop kind but a stuffed dog that was a christmas present from nick a couple of christmases ago. i hate stuffed animals but i kind of love this little guy for some reason.
ipod
laptop
scrabble

Leaning East

Well, I am here in Ottawa for the holidays. After a long-distance autumn, I am in the process of deciding whether or not to move back here or to stay in Vancouver.

Here is the list of Pros for each (it's easy to come up with hundreds of cons for each so I will only focus on the positives for now):

Pro Vancouver:
Amazing friends, some of whom have amazing babies
Bigger, more beautiful city, more people, more to do, better shopping
Healthier air and lifestyle
BEACH!
Larger, more diverse theatre base with a more readily respected, recognizable national reputation
Fewer people trained at Gaulier = more teaching opportunities perhaps???
Closer to my dad

Pro Ottawa:
Equally amazing friends (only fewer of them)
Intimate theatre base in which I am already somewhat established = potential to work and achieve more quickly
Entire HOUSE for what I am paying in Vancouver for a tiny apartment = greater potential for savings/disposable income plus more space
Possibility of getting a dog (a bribe from Nick, but still...)
The Manx
Nick
Closer to my mum

Vote here, my friends, for your fave!

C'est l'hallowe'en!